Now i know whay you dont have enpugh time - your blogentrys are too long ^^ - no just kidding. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And big up tuo Raffa for the redesign - well done.

Regards Count / www.sockelmacher.de

I don't know whether i shall tell this, Roman, buuuuuuuut...

i often read that you write (for example) "...i did prepare..." or such things...it's always "...i did (whatever)..."

Don't get me wrong, but why don't you simply write "...i prepared..." etc. ??

Never read before those things, but maybe everything's sooo much different in the deep jungle...or Bavaria (well...it's the same, isn't it ^^ )

The Re-Design by Raffa seems to be cool so far, but i'll keep my eyes open for whatever could be MORE optimized (but so far it seems to be perfect)...

Greetings from wherever i might be at the moment...

Dear Kong,
don't worry about your brain functions. I think it works perfectly for a painter:
Yes, you forgot your socks, and yes, they are of different length, BUT they are are both black, so the colour recognition works very well. ;o)

Dear Raffa: Well done, the blog's getting better and better! You earn a great bunch of bananas.

Greets into the jungle,

Sabine

To all the monkeys (despite gorillas being apes :)!!) a huge thanks.. and a sac of bananas.

Don't pay attention to critiques and as you I think learning is more fun than be call a master...as Churchill said (no punt intended) true success is going from failure to failure without loosing the excitement (or something similar ;).

Keep the great work and thanks from an "aficionado"

Hi Roman

I´ve read the whole text. For me it is very interesting to read your written thoughts. Critiques will be there all the time. Ecspecially there where you can find so much progress and succsess like here in the jungel.
But stay cool. You know the truth and that is important.
Prepare to do the best in what you did. All of you.

I recently started out in the miniature painting hobby and true the purchase of Romans beautiful painted "lafhelga rune wyrd of the broken peak" (which should arrive anyday now) stumbled into this great site on the interwebs. Now I frequently visit this site and learn a lot from the tutorials of you guys.

The redesign of the site looks great and things are better to find.

Tnx for being an inspiration for a starting mini painter!

Peter

Dear Monkey in a tree,
I think its time to give you some answers about your "Palm Tree that hits you in your face".
You allways run through your Jungel and dont take a look around you or better behind you.
I am one of this people You left behind and this is sad but true.I know that u are allways busy and have your focus on other things but Roman maby you should think about your behavior.
Other people or maybe old friends could sense it like you have forgot them.
You are not building a deahtstar beacause i know you would use the parts for your Bases like your Camera.
But D´oh shame on you big Kong the last thing you did in your busyness is to forgot my birthday (perhaps u know why) and maybe u will understand that such little things hurt and makes me sad.
I have no evil thoughts of u and i am respect your work but i am realy disapointed.

@ Picster u did a great job on this page realy nice, i like the new Designe.

Kindest regards
xShaperx

Thanks for all your comments on my words dropped here...

Thanks for the good news and the bad ones...

Guess i need some days off to heal from your thoughts @xshaperx ... i really must have done something terrible to you without knowing, at least i feel so now...

Can't get any more words ...

... really did chose the best time for this, whatever this is just :(

... seems we didn't have the time to really get to know eachother, if so you should know me better - the birthday thing is sad but i can't remember even my own and every further year it gets harder and harder, without my girfriends brain i would forget even Christmas... this is really sad.

... whatever, let's have a talk about this at the Duke of Bavaria Competition to a bavarian beer when we' meet up - until then know that it is my pleasure to have you as a jungle tourist in here :)

Hm I have got some special thoughts about the issue. I remind times when I have written comments at cmon or pm`s and no one of those "big painting stars" ever answered or said simply "hey thanks for your interest" or something like that. THAT is only NORMAL. It is sad, it is dissapointing and it is NORMAL.

Okay now we have a big painting star here (Roman for sure is a big painting star meantime) and he really tries to answer (40 emails per day are normal for Roman) but he doesn`t get it anymore. He tries to apologize, to explain, to beg for understanding and I really don`t understand those reactions.

I continue: It is normal for a lot of big painting stars to ignore other painter. They don`t communicate with them, they don`t answer, they never share their knowledge with others.

Here we have someone who tries at least and especially someone who share his knowledge with others (that is definitely NOT NORMAL) To say the truth: I find it very egoistic to complain about the fact that Romans hasn`t as much time off like he had in earlier days.

He does so much for the whole community that selfish interests of single persons have to stay back for a bigger thing. He still cares about his closest friends, but closest friends are already a lot of people. Everyone knows this by himself: You have closest friends, friends you have a more random contact, guys you just talk with each 3 months if there are some news and so on.

At a certain stage of popularity you have to make some decisions. It is hard but it`s the truth. You can`t care about everybody, you know or have met in your life, anymore. You have to care at least about your closest friends if you don`t wanna lose them. If you have got already 30 or 40 closest friends there will be no time anymore for the not so close friends or contacts. I`m just talking about realities, I don`t want to hurt someone I just want to explain.

What I tell you is exactly the current problem of Roman. He HAS TO MAKE DECISIONS, there is no other way up from now or he will lose his closest friends too. He will lose contacts, he will lose friends. There is no way to avoid this at the moment. The only choice he has at the moment is to decide "who is his closest friend?"

I`m just asking for a bit understanding. It is not easy to make such decision but it is necessary. I also had to make it because I also reach the stage where I have to recognize that I can`t care about EVERYBODY I know, anymore. I listen to my heart in this issue and I trust my heart. If someone is angry with me because of that, I guess my heart has chosen right :-)

@Marko: Lol, you are right but actually the american and english guys are exactly talking like Roman does. Past tense is almost always: I did plus the verb in present tense. It is the common way of talking and sounds more naturally to american and english people than to use the straight grammar we are learning at school here in germany. So: You are right but the use of "I did plus verb in present tense" is colloquial correct. Apart from that it is also grammatically correct. Watch your movies in english too and watch out for this way of talking you will recognize that I`m right, lol.

Vhaidra.....

First of all big Thanks for telling me that I (!) am the stupid one here in the jungle ;)

I usually watch all the movies in English as far as it's possible, buuuut...for some strange reasons I can't (yeah i know normally people say "can not" :P )remember to ever heard about the "i did plus verb" - thing, but....I'll keep my ears open while closing my eyes to listen carefully...hoping that you are not right with what you're saying (although you GONNA BE RIGHT, but I don't care ;) )...

Damn it....and i thought I would be able to speak, write and understand the English language... :D

Cheers

Hi there,

first of all: Raffa, great work on the skin and the menu. Perhaps if we could find a little time when you can tell me how you do the Blogmenu... I know you have little time but perhabs...

@Roman
I thinck its very cool and brave of you telling the whole world (or rather all readers) your thoughts and feelings. I can understand you very well. As Vhaidra did say already descisions have to be made and often they are not good for everyone but in my opinion decisions have to be good for yourself and your closest friends.
And even if I follow MassiveVoodoo only since a short time and even only know you since a very short time I count you as very friendly person I would be proud and happy to call a friend. And I am looking forward to our next meeting to have a nice talk about happy painting *g* (If you like I will offer you my special banana shake *g*).

So with the most important words of Massive Voodoo:
Keep on happy painting all around the globe!

Your Wolvie

@Marko: Lol. I also wondered a lot when I recognized this. I watched my movies in english and thought: " Hey why don`t they use the normal simple past tense?" Sometimes they do but more often they use actually the "did plus verb in present tense". Then I watched out for this way of talking at emails from my american friends. Lol, what shall I say? They also use it constantly. I guess it is because it is easier. You don`t have to think about irregular verbs if you use "did plus verb in present".

It`s me again. Sorry for spamming. I tried to find out some rules for the use of "did plus verb in present tense" and found something.

It is used for negative sentences (did not see, did not walk and so on) and it is used for question sentences (did he go, did she ask and so on). Well that explains a little bit but not all, lol. I`m afraid that a lot of wrong english is spoken and I`m definitely not sure about what is wrong or right anymore. Maybe some english or american people can help to clear this question. I`m at the end of wisdom, lol.

@ Vhaidra thx for your teaching lesson and believe me i read it very well.

As i wrote above I am not the only one, but i have the guts to tell u whats going on and this birthday thing is only the simplest example i "can" wrote down here.
The only thing from You Vhaidra i earnd is your verbal attacks instead of thinking about this.
I met about 20 other people last year at several Cons and i heard enough things of disapointed Guys and Girls and allways I try to spend a good word for Roman. But u are right Vhaidra this is a collateral damage for a biger thing and all this people are selfish people.

So go on listen to your heart switch on your chainsaw and cut down the rainforest.

I am out of this Jungle.
happy painting
xShaperx

@Vhaidra & Marko
I guess i learned a lot from your english lesson. I realized that there is something wrong in my english words i have chosen in the past. I got it because of you, i guess... i have to use the simple past much more often... thanks folks for telling me so.

@ChaosWolve
Thanks a lot for your nice words, even you only know me that short. Truth to others and myself is one important feature of my way of life :)

Hope you both are doing fine on your workbench...

@xshaperx
Please don’t take this as a offensive move against you, it is just that i want to have this explained by me too, after you chose this blog for your talk. I think the small amount of people who maybe follow this shall also know my point of view.

It looks like you can not wait to an email answer at all from myside - you did write me one email on Friday night after your first comment dropped here. Normally i am not up to answer much things about my work or closer friends on the weekend as the weekend belongs completly to my girlfriend, who i am only able to see on the weekends the last couple of months and my family – that is something that has changed, yes. But you are forcing me to sit in front of the computer on Sunday's morning because of your thoughts and disbeliefs and comments that hammer into my mind and heart since Friday. It seems you want to force me to get back to you as soon as possible. That is what I do now, spending this half Sunday not with my girlfriend, which is really pissed a bit but understands me after I did explained it to her – instead I am trying to show you my point of view.

First, whatever posting of yours may follow this one of mine, be sure to think about your words carefully. I don’t want to threaten you I just want to make sure that you think about what you seem to belief so much. You will be always welcome in the jungle.

I am really sad that you won’t make it to the “Duke of Bavaria” Competition to have a little talk about your “problem” with me, so I’ll try to explain it to you in here, not sure if you will get it right or not. But that is not in my hands at all – I’ll try my best.

1 .
There really must be something really dissapointing yourself, whatever it is I don’t think it is me or my behavior as you interpretate every word written to you in the highest grade of misunderstandement the last days. What I think, this is the main reason behind your thoughts: they can only be due to a misunderstanding – I will try to clean that up for you. If it works I am not sure, it’s up to you. I can not do much more about this, then telling you what I think and feel.

2.
I will talk about this in public now, Rainer (xshaperx). I thought about writing you in private email after you chose to talk about this topic in private with me. Due the terms mentioned above i was not able to answer fast, i planned to do so on Sunday night, when my girlfriend would be gone. But you leave me no choice talking about this again in public, here in the jungle, here in the place where i found my freedom, you are storming this place and that really did make me angry at first sight, in the second sight I only feel sadness sorrounding your talk. I will not delete your thoughts here in the jungle, because everyone shall read what you think when you post here, so shall they read my answer to you, if they are intrested in …

3.
I found this freedom here, because i really had a hard emotional year in 2009. I know you had too and life isn't always the brightest thing but man/woman can always chose to make it bright by his thinking, doing and inner motivation. When something is bad or something terrible happens, you have to fight your way out of it, from your self strength and energy, in the end there is no one who can help you... it is only you and the one inside you, whoever that may be. Let me explain to you why the last year did change so much for me, for everything sorrounding me and as it looks like also for you:

4.
I ran through the internet in ‘berzerk style’ to show everyone my miniatures as i had to make a living from them, help as good as i can in different forums, answer questions from all around the globe via email or private messages, without the need or the goal to be the 'painting star' some of you might see in me. For myself i am not, be sure of this. It is some people saying so, not myself, that is the most important difference in everything. I would never claim myself a star, that is stupid, ignorant and even – let me say – completely bullshit.

I just had to do the things I had done because everything happens with a reason and my biggest reason is to try to life my dream of being an unchained human in our society - working as freelance artist. That is why I am doing so. I learned to find my personal freedom in the things I do and have. I have tried to learn for myself by doing, I have tried to stop “behind the scene –wars” between different german Miniature painting forums and individual painters, I have tried to show the ones sharing the same great hobby as I do, what it is all about – Happieness, because of the oppourtunity to enjoy the gift of colours. Maybe I did try this too much, was too present in everything I had done, but I had the energy to do so and every little word of thanks has driven me to go further, not the bullshit talk about being a star or whatever some might think. I don’t ever want to be something like that. I just want to be the normal guy I am, sharing my thoughts of painting miniatures or other colourful talismanic adventures I am going through. What others do or think with the results out of that I have no influence on. So I have not with your thoughts about my person.

I did focus my energy about the last couple of years only to recognize the result that my strength was fading, my relationship to my girfriend really has been in danger, my family was angry about me, friends got angry, non-friends got angry... and i was close to get a burned out feeling from everything i do out of my beloved hobby and job, because I didn’t want anyone to be angry about my behavior or feeling anyone dismissed from me. I didn't want that to happen and i realized that i was making my mind heavy all the time to make everything capable from my energy to help where I can and whoever writes me or asks me something.

My energys were fading as some people did like my work much more due the experience or the time I did put in - (which did make my miniatures “better” to the ones who like them) - I had to answer a lot of messages daily and I did so with all the energy left. During this I wrote to my comissioners, keep the contact with all my friends over this last 4 years. Tried to stay on track to get everything done, because I didn’t want anyone being angry about my behavior or my ‘not answering’ their questions. We, you and me Rainer, did get to meet up and had some nice calls on the telephone while I was trying to keep these things up with the energy left inside me. I think you realized this change in me while we met at the “Edersee Painter’s Meeting”. The change I had gone through from the 2008 meeting to 2009 meeting. I chose for myself to be less cool “jarhead”, more normal Roman to find my peace and freedom.

5.
My mum got very ill in summer the last year. My strength completely got lost. Everything seemed less important to me, but I still had to go on with my job. I saw my parents in tears when their own parents died from this world and I realized that there are way more important things for me to get my soul focused on. I know you’ve went through hard times also and normally I would not talk out of that deep privacy in here, but you are thundering in my “living room of personal freedom” with your posts here that is why I am trying to defend myself and feel so much sadness about this. Be sure that I am not angry, I might have been for a moment, but I respect your words in here and think they are as important as those from anyone else posting or commenting on this blog.

6.
My mind, soul and heart really have been heavy the last year. The only thing I found my peace in have been my girlfriend, my family, my closest friends. And for sure my neighbour twins, which are soon becoming one year of age. My girlfriend and me are their godfather and godmother and after their mum needs everyday help with the twins I am often, very often helping her out, while her husband is at work. There is a lot of time spended on them with a greater love involved than in my job, believe that.

7.
You are always talking about my career as a “Ultra Super Painting Star”, please notice that such talk is massive bullshit to me. I am not what you think. I am just a guy who still doesn’t know how to pay the rent on this 15th of the month. I really don’t understand the world you are living in, where such thoughts are able to grow. Stop dreaming such weird things, please it would help me a lot if there would be some people less thinking in this way about my person.

8.
Last year, I had to make decision for staying healthy and I did chose to slow down a bit, to heal and to focus on the things that kept me from drowning. You saw, I stopped being a part of the ‘MaxPaint –Team’, stopped being a moderator at ‘Tabletopworld.de’. stopped worrying my head of ratings over at CMON, stopped everything that makes my heart heavy all the time. Meanwhile I just had to go on with my everyday effort of staying alive and pay the rent, spending time with my neighbour twins as their dad is on work travel for the last week and some days upcoming...

9.
Talking about friendship seems very important to you, so I will do to at this point.

In my eyes there are different grades of relationships between ‘friends’. I have my closest friends from my childhood. They are not many and we just get in contact about every 3 months for a phone call or an email. I did not see my best friend, who I know for about 16 years now for about 4 years because he moved to Berlin, but I took the time to finally visit him last year. None of us is angry when we don’t find the time to get in contact for while, but the friendship still is deep as the ocean. Those are my deepest friends, deep like the friendship and love I share with my girlfriend. It is something about love in this grade of friendship, la familia if you want to call it so.

I feel ‘grades of friendship’ in some kind of circles around me. The one described above is the closest circle to me. The next circle is about friends, which I would not call the best friends but really, really deep friends. I got a couple of those and I share everything with them. My neighbours or some friends from my everyday living in Augsburg, my hometown. The last years this circle of friendship did grow a lot by some people I did get to know out of the hobby of miniature painting, some I really felt connected to since the first time we met or talked. Some of them are slowly moving into the inner circle of friendship.

I have to mention that I really think this is somehow strange explaining from the depths of my soul what friendship means to me. In the end I have the feeling this could bring more light into your darkness.

After this second circle I there are existing a lot more. I have friends, that I like a lot, but don’t stay in conctact that much as I do with those mentioned above, as I can’t find the time beside my normal, every day living, the work (job) I do and the contacts I have from this job. These friendships work even we don’t get in contact that very often from both sides. No one is angry about this fact. Sure there are way more circles of people sorrounding me. Some more close, maybe moving into another circle or some fading away. I did get to know a lot of people that might only stay acquaintance to me, but i guess everyone has. At this circle there are really a lot and in enjoy these people I was able to get to know and maybe some further talking with them, sometimes some get closer to me, some won’t. That is just a normal thing in life, I guess everyone reading this should know this from theirselfes.

Why am I talking about this friendship thing so much in here? I guess, Rainer, because you might be thinking yourself in a “friendship circle” of mine that you never had been into. I know these words are hard, but they are the truth. I enjoy to have a talk with you and enjoy to meet you but we never had been close, deep friends. I am sorry to say this but you make me do so. I guess this is the reason behind your words, that we both did think different of our friendship.

à You mentioned in your email that a “painting superstar” only has friends of also “painting superstars” and as i told you above this is only super bullshit talk - this thought of yours -seeing me picking out my friends in a world of golden superstars is also completly bullshit.

I tried to focus on friends that always have been there for me, those who understand me, those who help me, those who are not angry with me, those who talk with me when they got something heavy on their heart, those who enjoy me as i am as i do with them in return. It seems you are none of them.

10.
About your email written full of misunderstandements of the words you quoting in it, I will also drop some lines.

Yvonne did write to you, that she and I would even get to manage to call eachother once in te time of 3-4 weeks, once means one phone call a month. You say to me in the line below, that when I can call Yvonne 3~4 times a week, you can’t get why I didn’t call you at all in the last year. Please try to read more carefully and don’t talk at large.

You name me as a liar, when I told you that no one is able to sleep at my little flat during the time of the ‘Duke of Bavaria’, because you might have got the information that someone already sleeps at my house – jupp. That in fact is the reason no one else can sleep here.



11.
I will stop this now – I guess enough explanation from my side. I think you won’t get it right as I have the feeling you completely are someone else at the moment. That makes me sad…


12.
I have no further intension to justify my way of life in here much more, at least not to someone I did thought of a friend, not a deep one, but a friend.

13.
Think what you think, Rainer – and I only can offer you a talk with me in person at the Duke of Bavaria, that’s all. Be sure that Roman waits there for you and no fuggin “Painting star of the world’s highest class painters in the history of Art of this galaxy”… that’s bullshit, a friend of mine would know that.

Regards
Roman

@all
Sorry for doing this so big in here, i just felt the urge to write this in here ...

Get your own interpretation of the person i might be out of this text if you got too much time or are maybe intrested in...

Keep on happy painting!

@Rainer
I apologize for my words chosen or any harm i have done in the past to you, which i didn't know until the last days. Maybe you should have called me earlier and talk about this, even i was busy... it is all about truth and about saying what you think. Only this could prevent from such moments...

Roman,
perhaps u read my E-mail again i never wrote anything about a "painting Super Star"
and about the Duke of Bavarian i never wrote that i am not want, in fact i cant come to there to join beacause i had an surgerie again 2 weeks ago.



About the Friendship thing thx for your explanation. Maby i rate this to much on the basis of calls and things we both share in the past. Im lucky now to get this clear and Roman i think you are right a personal talk about this missunderstandings is needed.
It was not my Intention to thunder your place of freedom if u think i did so please accept my apologies for that i do accept your apology 2, and Roman do you remeber our last talk we had on the Phone? The only thing befor i cant say anything was " i have no time"
How can i explain u anything than? Please dont get me wrong we both have our life, Work, girlfriend, and so on and we have our hobby but 5 minutes to share is it so much cost?
Roman please do me a favour for today join the time with ur girlfriend befor she ripps up your head and makes another Kong bust of it ;-) and please tell her my apology 2 for my rude behavior but there was no other way to react of your thinkings to open up your big Monkey eyes.
I am not angry or somthing like that u can read it also in my E-mail down below and sorry Roman to say this it is to funny how often u can write my Name wrong :-D

I am looking forward to have this personal talk in the Future.
cheers
Reiner

Oh wow that is really a lot. I hope it helps. I also have a couple of words in addition.
As I said above: "I don`t want to hurt someone, I`m just talking about realities" If you get
40 mails per day you CAN`T answer to each, what is so hard to understand at this fact??? xShaperx could you answer each email if you would get 40 of them each day, could you? What would you do?
Quit your job? Tell your closest friends:"Sorry I have to write hundred emails to guys I even
don`t know so you have stay back"? And then you would sit 10 hours per day at your PC and writing mails, right??? Sure, lol.

I say it clear: What you claim for is impossible. You claim for something impossible and you are angry about that you don`t get it. You think you are more important than the closest friends of Roman and me. That is an error.

I`m still in contact with painter I got to know 5 or 6 years ago. I know them a lot longer than I know you, they were here in my inner circle long before I met you.
They are still in the inner circle because they are really friends. At least the half of my
closest friends painting table top and not highend level so I don`t pick up the great painter for to be my closest friends. I pick up the ones I have a good understanding with. Friendship isn`t a question of someone`s skills it is a question of understanding, harmony and of being from the same planet, you know?

If I read your words then I`m pretty sure we are not from the same planet. Maybe this explains a lot. Each of my friends have forgotten my birthday last year. Not one congrats me, lol. Yep it is true. But I don`t drown in my tears because of that, because birthdays are really NOT important. I even didn`t mention it. I just do it here for to explain you that there is a way
to handle things more relaxed and not to be childish angry about such things like "oh someone forget my birthday what an asshole." I know my friends love me even when they forget my birthday.

To think of my birthday is not the most important thing between us. I`m not angry if they forget my birthday and they are not angry with me if I forget a birthday. Things can be so easy among friends.

I have got very close friends I just write an email each 3 months. And it is okay because my
friends are busy too. I really care about those contacts and they recognize that I do. No one of them would be angry with me if I can`t answer immediatly. They understand that I`m busy and they are busy too so there is no reason for to be angry, not for me and not for them. A good friendship can bear all that.

I really enjoy Roman`s one sentence emails, lol. We are friends there is no need to make a lot of words.

If there is something important to talk about we will find a way to talk about. Maybe not
today, not tomorrow but if it is really important we will talk about it when we will have the time for it.

The main misunderstanding here is that you think that you ARE one of those closest friends. If you call it an attack when I try to tell you the truth then feel yourself attacked, I don`t mind. Sorry but you seem to be one of those who need it hard.

To have a phonecall with someone doesn`t make you to a closest friend. I have got very close friends living in other countries and never had a phone call with them. Roman and I shared the hobby with you like we do it with a hundred of other painter too. Not more and not less. Not everbody of all those painters we are in contact with can be a closest friend.

Closest friends need time and attention so it is all just logical and not mean. In the past it has been okay for you to communicate when both sides had the time for it. And now you start a stalker killing spree here at the blog that I really ask myself if you are okay. Please stop putting your shit into the jungle. I really start to be hacked off.