“Oh benevolent queen, I am humbled by your presence.”
Bow on one knee
“Truly I am not worthy to be in front of such beauty. My heart aches to be by your side. Please allow me to be your faithful slave for all eternity."
Slowly approach
"All I ask is that you grant me one kiss so that I might die happy.”

Oh damn, in order to save the world ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElNymJgqnD8 )i first have to take out this fat and ugly zombie. but with no weapons this will be a hard task.
There is no time to look for one either.
So as Mr. Fatty closes in to me, i dodge his first clumsy swipe and dive directly behind him.
I grab his overall and pull it down to his ankles (the backside of a zombie smells even worse than the whole zombie...). That was the right decision to make, because as Mr. Fatty turns again to hit me, he falls over like a rotten tree. He smashes into a chair with his ugly face and knockes it to splinters.
Face down he is flailing with his arms like a turned over trutle.
Now there is a weapon! I grab one of the chairs legs and smash it trough the back of his head straigth into his brains. BÄM. But this fat bastard keeps flailing around with his arms. So take the second leg and skewer him a second time.
Now his movements finally cease.
I give him a kick into his ugly face. "Take this sucker!"

And now i have to kiss Eduardo.....

Oh, crap.
From all the ugly zombies on earth the one standing between "my queen of the undead" and I is the most fat, ugly, strong and hopefully slow zombie on earth.

Although barehanded, I'm not helpless. It's time to rescue the "slimy eel" style from my martial arts huge knowledge (knowledge that's only theoretical and based on kung-fu chinese movies).
Slimy eel is based on:
-Sliminess: Check (I'm covered in undead blood and haven't showered for days)
-Eely movements: I start zig-zagging trying to confuse the monster and taking advantage of it's clumsiness.

As it follows me trying to hit me I retire to the stairs... when the thing is close enough I perform a last weird eely movement and hit the giant in one knee, making it fall down into the stair door... It's not moving... Is it stuck there?
That would be awesome, because that was actually...the plan!

This must be my lucky day, first the news that I will have to kiss a man and now I have also to face one of the biggest zombies I have ever seen…. The room is quite small and I don’t have much space for movement or escape. I try to call for Eduardo’s help but he seems frozen, and the fatty is approaching. I move back finding myself against the wall, I turn myself and look around for something useful but there is nothing handy. The fatty is just few steps from me, with his mouth and arm longing for my flesh. The only thing that I manage to do is to grab the metal shelf on my left and throw it over him. The shelf is full of tools, metal cases and other heavy things. All this weight, throw off balance the big dead guy that fall under the shelf. On one of the wall there is, still framed, the old baseball bat that Eduardo used when he was younger. You break the glass and retrieve it, spinning it in your hands. You stop just a second to look the creature in his eyes and then you unleash all your fury with mighty blows over him.
After few moments, all that remains is a shapeless sludge.

This is a crucial step to turn the things to the right path so I must not fail. This tiny thought fills me with confidence and I manage to grab one huge candle and fit it right into the zombie's mouth. He catches me but with a quick movement I pick another candle and brush it through its eyes. Now that this zombie god is dancing stupid and blind it's time to face the queen.

I need to tell a lie, a convincing one. And the zombie part can be part of it. It was only a demonstration of strength in fact. The best to tell a lie is to believe in it so I do in this moment.

I face "her" and say "I'm glad to have you here my queen". Then I approach "her" (god I don't want to see Eduardo right now) and tell her "I brought you here in my land. Let me be your king". Handsome and confident I kiss "her" powerfully. When doing this I provoke the queen by sliding my tongue through my new flamboyant lisping hole!

If she tries to bit, I'm protected, but if she confuses my tongue with some worm or rotten flesh like the ones she bastards, and she brings her own flesh, the bite is mine!