posted by roman, jarhead, kong
December 20th - The alternative Advent Calendar
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December 1st
December 2nd
December 3rd
December 4th
December 5th
December 6th
December 7th
December 8th
December 9th
December 10th
December 11th
December 12th
December 13th
December 14th
December 15th
December 16th
December 17th
December 18th
December 20th
All people who asked the oracle, will gain a badge for their help, - we are using their ideas to bring the story further. Take a sheet of paper, note your badges if you got one (we do the same) - in the end the one with most of the badges will be the winner. Don't hesitate to comment, we still got badges for 4 days to give away. The promoted ladies and gentleman for this row are:
Roger Verdaguer i Serrat
Harald
JP
Wild Chevy
Alba
Nehr
Siggi
The Story goes on ____________________________________________________
After you asked the oracle of Doom on what you can do to save the planet you recieved the following hints:
"ssttttttthhhh .... queeeeen of the underworrrrrrrrrld .... 32 teeeth ... 5 less ... a toothless kiss ... and the tip of the underworrrrrrld's queeen tongue ... bite!!! May the fortune be with you, lisping visitor!"
"... where to find the queeeeeen of the underworrrrrrld? ...... dream a little dream .... while listening to the original version of "last christmas" in reverse playback ... the queen will await you on the other side .... "
"The queen of the underworld has to lose the tip of her tongue. Harald knows how to find her, and Roger knows how to accomplish. Bewaaaaaare of George Michael!!"
"Start by doing what is necessary, do what is possible, and then do what is impossible.
Attract her, kiss her. Bite the tip of her tongue. Don't get bitten. Beware of the christmas-carol singing man wearing sunglasses. Good luck!"
"Be George Michael! ... but bewaaaaaare - he's theeeeeeere!" (To avoid death)
"Things can't be undone without stopping words being spoken by the false tongue."
"We not know usbcharger. Use the perfume of malodorousness to find your path. Mix it!"
Ok you think - this sounds truely weird. A lot of information by the Oracle but you take your time to understand the sentences you have written down, those messages by the Oracle. You take a moment of rest and look outside the Window to see what Eduardo is doing ... a lot of Zombies vanished somehow, you can see some walking down the road. And there is Eduardo, walking into the basement - you are scared in the moment he looks right up to your window. He is staring at you with his green glowing eyes. Damn, you have to help your friend and fight this undead queen you have resurracted. Christmas is coming and this won't be a beautiful Christmas if the world stays as it is right now. You go back to the sheets of paper, near the book and concentrate on translating the Oracle's message.
After hours full of concentration passed you managed to translate the miracles written there and the message of the oracle is:
"You have to kiss the Queen of the Underworld, her presence and bite off the tip of her tongue! As you know the queen of the Underworld is now in Eduardo's body and so you have to kiss him and bite off the tip of his tongue. Beware of not getting a bite by him/her. The Queen of the Underworld has to listen to this song while you do the ritual this prevents your soul from getting frozen in front of her! It has to be this song and George Michael's voice - do not change the tunes as this is truely important!"
Ok then, you have to play that song - you prepare the stereo and play it on repeat, done. C'mon damn Miracle now I have to go downstairs and kiss Eduardo and bite his tongue? You must be kidding me, oracle? How ... stupid and grose!
You put all your strength together - you are the reason why all this has happened, why the world is going down in fire and horror. You can change it and may at least have a nice Christmas holiday with Eduardo - who might be in the hospital then because of your upcoming tongue bite! Oh dear!
Down in the basement you find Ed... the Queen of the Underworld in front of a table with millions of candles. From above George Micheal is yelling and the Queen seems to be frozen in her movements because of this song. The Oracle was right, almighty Oracle! Suddenly you hear some mourning from a dark corner on the right and from the shadow there appears ...
Damn, you thought all zombies were gone but this one must be the Queen's bodyguard. Oh dear that is a big guy and all your equipment is not here in the basement. You left it behind upstairs. This guy is big and strong you guess and you have nothing but your hands. No time to look through the room ... oh no!
Now it is your turn again!
Describe how you fight this monstrous zombie with your bare hands or find another solution to solve this delicate situation and reach your goal: Eduardo!!
“Oh benevolent queen, I am humbled by your presence.”
ReplyDeleteBow on one knee
“Truly I am not worthy to be in front of such beauty. My heart aches to be by your side. Please allow me to be your faithful slave for all eternity."
Slowly approach
"All I ask is that you grant me one kiss so that I might die happy.”
Oh damn, in order to save the world ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElNymJgqnD8 )i first have to take out this fat and ugly zombie. but with no weapons this will be a hard task.
ReplyDeleteThere is no time to look for one either.
So as Mr. Fatty closes in to me, i dodge his first clumsy swipe and dive directly behind him.
I grab his overall and pull it down to his ankles (the backside of a zombie smells even worse than the whole zombie...). That was the right decision to make, because as Mr. Fatty turns again to hit me, he falls over like a rotten tree. He smashes into a chair with his ugly face and knockes it to splinters.
Face down he is flailing with his arms like a turned over trutle.
Now there is a weapon! I grab one of the chairs legs and smash it trough the back of his head straigth into his brains. BÄM. But this fat bastard keeps flailing around with his arms. So take the second leg and skewer him a second time.
Now his movements finally cease.
I give him a kick into his ugly face. "Take this sucker!"
And now i have to kiss Eduardo.....
Oh, crap.
ReplyDeleteFrom all the ugly zombies on earth the one standing between "my queen of the undead" and I is the most fat, ugly, strong and hopefully slow zombie on earth.
Although barehanded, I'm not helpless. It's time to rescue the "slimy eel" style from my martial arts huge knowledge (knowledge that's only theoretical and based on kung-fu chinese movies).
Slimy eel is based on:
-Sliminess: Check (I'm covered in undead blood and haven't showered for days)
-Eely movements: I start zig-zagging trying to confuse the monster and taking advantage of it's clumsiness.
As it follows me trying to hit me I retire to the stairs... when the thing is close enough I perform a last weird eely movement and hit the giant in one knee, making it fall down into the stair door... It's not moving... Is it stuck there?
That would be awesome, because that was actually...the plan!
This must be my lucky day, first the news that I will have to kiss a man and now I have also to face one of the biggest zombies I have ever seen…. The room is quite small and I don’t have much space for movement or escape. I try to call for Eduardo’s help but he seems frozen, and the fatty is approaching. I move back finding myself against the wall, I turn myself and look around for something useful but there is nothing handy. The fatty is just few steps from me, with his mouth and arm longing for my flesh. The only thing that I manage to do is to grab the metal shelf on my left and throw it over him. The shelf is full of tools, metal cases and other heavy things. All this weight, throw off balance the big dead guy that fall under the shelf. On one of the wall there is, still framed, the old baseball bat that Eduardo used when he was younger. You break the glass and retrieve it, spinning it in your hands. You stop just a second to look the creature in his eyes and then you unleash all your fury with mighty blows over him.
ReplyDeleteAfter few moments, all that remains is a shapeless sludge.
This is a crucial step to turn the things to the right path so I must not fail. This tiny thought fills me with confidence and I manage to grab one huge candle and fit it right into the zombie's mouth. He catches me but with a quick movement I pick another candle and brush it through its eyes. Now that this zombie god is dancing stupid and blind it's time to face the queen.
ReplyDeleteI need to tell a lie, a convincing one. And the zombie part can be part of it. It was only a demonstration of strength in fact. The best to tell a lie is to believe in it so I do in this moment.
I face "her" and say "I'm glad to have you here my queen". Then I approach "her" (god I don't want to see Eduardo right now) and tell her "I brought you here in my land. Let me be your king". Handsome and confident I kiss "her" powerfully. When doing this I provoke the queen by sliding my tongue through my new flamboyant lisping hole!
If she tries to bit, I'm protected, but if she confuses my tongue with some worm or rotten flesh like the ones she bastards, and she brings her own flesh, the bite is mine!