The love / fear relationship of intimidating projects

Hey Jungle!

this is Petra writing today. And I'd like to tell you a story of my life: I saw a new mini on the market and bought that shiny new grey miniature. Of course, I'll paint that ...

... when I am more experienced! Raise your hand if you have ever thought - or even said that. Rest assured - you are not alone. But let me start from the beginning. When I came back to the hobby after almost 10 years of hiatus during my study times, I bought a lot of minis (those I liked a lot were based on their looks and not a specific genre or game). I started my addiction with my first Lucas Pina (Spira Mirabilis) figure: the three witches.

This was Lucas' second release back then, when you still needed to pre-order via email and hopes were high that you could grab one of the number limited minis.

And when the three old ladies and their buddies arrived, I was full of joy, unpacked them and then put them back into the box and on the shelf. I got intimidated by the beautiful and - in my eyes - perfect sculpt. Back then I thought that with my current (very, very rusty!) set of skills, I would never be able to do that piece of sculpting art justice. I was in love with the three gals, but at the same time afraid to ruin all the work that Lucas had put into sculpting by putting any paint on them.

And yes, while writing these lines and proof-reading them - and with my current accumulated knowledge and view on life - it feels and sounds ridiculous to think that some paint could ruin a sculpt. Still - most of us have had this thought one or the other time: I will tackle this project when I have more knowledge, more experience, more proficiency, and have gotten better (in whichever way imaginable).

So, what happened between then and now ? I finished my studies, I started earning money on a regular basis, I bought minis in all shapes and sizes (because I could ), grew my army of opportunities very fast to a level where I needed to keep track with an Excel file (because I also am a living up to my German ancestry of being well organised *cough* 😂). And guess what? Almost 90% of those purchases were accompanied by the thoughts of "needed progress" to enable myself to actually start putting paint on things.

It's all about the organisation... whatever is snugly tugged away won't look like I am a shameless hoarder of grey resin (or hobby supplies).

If you can still relate to this situation upon this point: I salute you, you are still not alone. We all have our love / fear relationship to more complex and / or intimidating projects. And this sometimes also petrifies us to the point that we only hoard more and more instead of actually enjoying the process of choosing colours and thinking about schemas and ambience, imagining a story for the project to be told, and the most important tasks of starting, enjoying and finishing something. 

I do believe that this has to do with our primal instincts of "what if I suck at doing this" - back in the days when a hunter would need to fear starvation if they are not good enough at hunting, this thought could have kept us from extinction; even though I guess that hunters actually allowed themselves to suck at hunting from time to time, and just never gave up trying. In today's world, where we are a performance driven society and everyone only shows their glamour high reels on Social Media, it can even get more intimidating - because almost no-one shows their failures anymore, but only the very easy looking glorious results.

I got stuck into this spiral of hoarding (and not starting), for quite a bit of time and actually only started thinking about it after participating in a workshop with my great friend and teacher Meg Maples. (If you have lived under a rock and don't know her: she's an Australian based painter and artist - and if you have the opportunity: join one of her workshops!) So I went to a workshop she held in Berlin, and another participant actually mentioned a very similar thought about being afraid to ruin or destroy the mini. Meg's very wise and thought-provoking answer to this was along the lines of: " The only way you can destroy or ruin a miniature is by setting it on fire and letting it burn to ashes ."

Tip: Learning about the different capabilities and attributes of colours also helps to lower the hurdle to start a new project - because you will know how your colours behave.

There: it clicked. This was my personal eureka moment: If I actually cannot ruin a miniature by painting it - I wouldn't need to wait until I get better or am good enough. I can just start exploring the story of the miniature one brushstroke at a time, and do this right away. No imaginary need to wait anymore to gain proficiency. No self-imposed pressure of a vague, not graspable and even more fuzzy gut feeling. I understood that this unclear "when I am more experienced" information from my brain actually did not tell me anything about the exact point in time when this was going to happen!

It opened up all the creativity again and removed this self-created hurdle. So, what to do when these thoughts will emerge again, as it of course is sometimes not as easy as just switching on a light bulb. Nowadays, I get more easy with myself and ask: "what exactly is the very concrete thing that I want to get better at before starting the work?" Is it the topic of "smooth blending" or "human skin" or "non-metallic metal" or "ambience"? What steps do I need to do to get a better grasp of this topic? What exercises should I try out? What do I want to achieve with the paint job on this miniature? What steps do I need to take to achieve my goal of starting?

Another great read

I have a journal, where I can put these points down. And sometimes, when forcing myself to answer these questions, I find that I don't actually need to take any additional steps before starting a project. That way, I have freed myself of the stress and pressing thoughts about being good enough -  and just try things out on the actual model. I started allowing myself to suck at making art and not getting the perfect outcome on my first try. After all, this is a journey, and we learn more from trying new things and making mistakes than by doing the same thing over and over to avoid mistakes at all cost.

Ultimately, the question it boils down to is: what could possibly go wrong? I won't be able to set the mini on fire by plainly painting on it. And good news, everybody: neither can you.

You (and I) are ready to paint this miniature NOW; we'll get better by painting, not by solely contemplating about painting. We are already good enough. And if we do not like the outcome, there's always the possibility to strip the paint from the miniature and start all over again. Or to look at the paint job, nod at it, thank it for teaching us an important lesson, and put it aside as a "finished, not perfect" example on our very own, intimate and wonderful way of seeing things and enjoying life.

Which long pushed away project will you start?

Looking at my pile of opportunities, I've taken my three old ladies out of the box and am currently waiting for them to tell me their story and guide my brushes.

Petra