Hi everybody and welcome to 2013!
2013? Damn this year, I mean 2012 went by pretty fast, many things happened and I think what follows now is something I never spoke that way before. I just want to write a honest review of 2012 for myself and maybe for those who are interested in. But this goes to quick again so I'll do it step by step.
Some of you might think "Where the hack is my Artbook now?" and we can tell you that it will soon arrive at your place. As we never did expect such a big success with the Indigogo Campaign we also did not expect so much hard work with the books and the campaign. We ask for your patience and promise your patience will be worth it. As you might have read via Indigogo campaign we will soon spread out an email asking you about having your name printed in the book. This will happen in the next couple of days. After recieving and sorting all the mails we got back we still need some time to finish the pages like "Thank you" and "Figure Index". Then the book will be printed and sent to us. As said we owe you all high end quality and that is what takes so much time.
Some of you might ask "But Christmas is long gone by now?" - yes, estimated delivery date was December 2012 but this is truely gone now. We both got sucked in by the holidays, a beautiful Christmas time and some vacation days over New Years Eve. I think everybody can understand that.
We arrived home yesterday and we are looking forward to get the project "Figure Art Book" in the final row. Thank you for your patience. The Email about the Thank you page is not yet sent while I write this. You will see it sent when it arrives in your mailbox :)
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Maybe this post will be filled with thoughts about my own remorse. Maybe not. Somehow I feel my heart is heavy and this ain't a good start to dive into 2013. So I'll try to lift it with this honest post. I try. 2012 really was a massive year and when I look back on it the most important thing that comes to my mind is that I am thankful to be able to know the friends I know. I really met a lot of people the last year and I am happy about every nice person I've met. Believe me most of you are and I am truely deeply thankful for the friends, my girlfriend, my family, my cats ... I mean the things I got.
When I look back I see the last year was filled with a lot of great events I was able to be part of. Great Painting classes with great people, joyful figure events and nice painting sessions with my friends. Looking from this point it was a great year. But light can only be found if there are shadows. Honest talking about shadows - maybe it is because I went thirty last year and whilst a man is still a lion with this age he starts to think and remember about the past. Oh dear, you might think now :D
BÄM² Painting Class in Aachen
Painting Class in Versailles
One shadow that hit me hard last year was the lack of energies I encountered in the end of 2012. I got weak. I wasn't able to everything I did before in the same manner. Organising classes, painting like a mad bull, answering all the emails with questions I recieved, enjoying friendship and talk with friends ... somehow I just got weak and needed a break, but with the Artbook Campaign this break seemed far away. Somehow I did regenerate but not in a healthy frame. I was filled with remorses all the time and was running from it. Don't ask me why but what I have learned is that running ain't a good thing. So I stopped and took a breathe. To get back energies and keep them I have to chance something in 2013. Paint more, spent more time in the studio. Less Internet, less facebook, less forums, less blogging. More high quality blog posts maybe. Getting back to MV originals quality maybe. More articles, more about sharing my thoughts about my painting, more, more and more ... but still less somehow. I think you will see the change in 2013. I just have to chance something as I this weakness I encountered was close to making me mad about my own remorses.
Another shadow, maybe the strongest one was loosing a friend. He did not die - he just called me and said what a big asshole I am. He told me I am the emperor of the german painting scene, he told me I am the reason why he didn't win something at german Games Day, he told me that french people won there only because I was up to do a painting class in France, he told me I am no honest person, he told me I am evil, he told me that I have a big evil plan with MV, he told me that he can see that plan, he told me that a lot of MV members are part of international contest judging, he told me that I ask for money to let painters win due all the judges I control, he told me so many crazy things that I did not know so far and he broke my heart because I wasn't able to find back the friend I lost during a 2 hours telephone call where I tried to talk normal and honest with him (in a low voice). Yeah that broke my heart last year. I won't go deeper into that shithole of memory but it really broke my heart and while writing these lines I feel the weight of them. Maybe this made me so weak in the end of 2012, who knows.
Sometimes you have misunderstandings with people. Sometimes you can't be the best friend to everybody. That is just normal and I don't have a problem with saying honestly what I think and feel to everyone - I did so over the last years very often, made it my main goal in getting connected with other humans. Being honest and true. Now when you recieve a phone call of a "friend" that was always a joy to met or talk to and share thoughts with after less contact over some months with such massive information included some of you might understand that it hurts to hear your "friend" yell at you at the telephone. Even more sad when he just doesn't listen to your own words during the conversation. There is nothing I could have done more honest and true and so I let this "friend" go. Just like a leave in the wind and the only thing that stays behind are maybe two broken hearts. Life is that way and a heart will be broken many times in a lifetime, but sometimes you just have to talk about it before it makes you grim. I am not grim, just honest and freeing myself from a weight I guess. Whatever, this gets into way to deep Kong Fu now :)
But where shadow there is light and I will soon write up a little more about light in the early posts of 2013 on Massive Voodoo, because light is always a healer. Right now I feel just lifted because seeing and knowing those shadows that hunt me myself.
Good old dear jungle, I praise you for sometimes being my diary.
Keep on happy painting and read you soon!
Sorry for such personal stuff up here ... nope, no remorse about that :D
Best Wishes and may you all have a great start in the year 2013.
Roman
... part 2 following soon!
Hey Roman, thank you for such an honest post. I'm sorry to hear that you have been so heavy hearted; you really shouldn't worry about the Art Book. Our financial support was meant as just that - support and no one will feel good about you working yourself to such a state. I obviously cannot speak for everyone, but I for one am not bothered by the delay. I'd rather know that you are in a good place in your heart and the book can arrive whenever it's ready :) Re your friend, it is sad to hear what happened, but as you say, people come and go in your life and he was obviously too angry to hear you. But life has a funny way of returning things that you lost, so maybe in time you will reconnect with him. So, with that in mind, I hope by sharing you can get yourself happy again and go into 2013 with all your usual energy - until that happens, your jungle buddies will just hang in the trees and wait for you! Take care T x
ReplyDeleteDear Roman, thanks as always, for sharing such a personal thing. Reminding us, every painter, from the new ones to the big names, is only human, haunted by the same problems, enjoying the same things (praise our friends who remember us to sleep some times).
ReplyDeleteThe thing I always enjoyed most about MV was that it depicted a person, not just an avatar who shows his minis. This blog was always more, and that's the reason why I always loved him, why it's my favorite blog since years.
The kind of artistic and personal diary you have here inspired me in the past and gave me the courage to start my own last year.
My heart is with you, 2012 was a hard year, loosing the girl I wanted to get old with, loosing one of my best and longest known friends just a few weeks later...and doubts over doubts. Sure there was light, much of it shone from our community and friends. Much of it shone from MV and your great work.
I wish you and all the apes a bright 2013, with less shadows and more color in the heart.
When I see how much energy, happiness and good mood you spread with your postings, your classes and your art, I am sure Karma will pay out ;)
Oh Shit, they found out about the big MV Conspiration! Everyone RUN! We will take you over with chipped Bananas and Mind control paint (the one you have to lick...)... Who told them so early? There must be a Rat in the Jungle...^-^...
ReplyDelete... Hej Roman... Don´t worry, Jungle Brother, the end of 2012 brought something "peculiar" for me too (encountered a Scammer which was something I never thought might happen to me... ever...) and got some pretty wicked strange Signs for 2013, but you know what? Let them all bring it on, man! Fuck everything that tries to drag you down! See it as a challenge and as something you will learn most in life and everything will be fine in the end, because you are such a righteous Human being that will not bend or give in one step from his very warm-hearted and true point of view... Always remember, Karma will eventually get those who don´t want you no Good!... Think about Chicago, we will all be there man (if the Great Smiling Monkey up there allows...^-^...) and will trick our own Shadows... It´s possible, I will show you how... Heads up, Big Kong... You are one of the best things that has ever happened to our Hobby, actually...
Hey Ran, I know that feel. Last year I lost a good friend too, and till now I dunno why. But you know what. In these moments you lern, who is a real friend! I wish you, that 2013 will get a lot better!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Roman,
ReplyDeletethis blog is sometimes not only a diary of your life, in fact it is a mirror of your soul... I think everyone reading MV on a regular basis has somehow a clue about Roman´s current feelings/well-being. I think this is one thing that makes this piece of internet stand out compared to others.
Regarding the Artbook: Take it as slow as needed. I supported it and I will be happy to hold it in hand but you both should take you the time you need. To be honest when I read the estimated delivery date of december my first thought was "wow, this would be real fast...".
To lighten up your mood: One of my personal highlights 2012 was the private practice at your place. This gave me so much energy and fun for the rest of the year.... So, you yourself are a source of energy for other people and I´m certainly not the only person thinking this way!
Thorsten
I'am following the Blog since the BÄM² Painting Class and it's the only Blog I'am following, so it can't be so bad, even when you fell like it was better in the past.
ReplyDeleteMost off us don't accomplish all we want and to lose a friend sucks. But as far as I can astimate it you are a verry nice guy and some times it is as it is.
So don't worry, keep painting! ;)
By the way, this picture of the BÄM² Painting Class is a verry nice one! ^^
Gruß!
Matthias
I'am following the Blog since the BÄM² Painting Class and it's the only Blog I'am following, so it can't be so bad, even when you fell like it was better in the past.
ReplyDeleteMost off us don't accomplish all we want and to lose a friend sucks. But as far as I can astimate it you are a verry nice guy and some times it is as it is.
So don't worry, keep painting! ;)
By the way, this picture of the BÄM² Painting Class is a verry nice one! ^^
Gruß!
Matthias
Roman, don't let these kind of people get to you. Yes there are people like that out there, when that happens to me... I brush them off and do my own thing. Its a tough feeling. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. For me 2012 was similar, there were doubts on me, i was zero productive; no works to show for. I was tired from everyday work, pressure/stress where i live. With the new year, a fresh start. Back to the ways it was once before. Keep doing what you always do because there is passion and endless energies coming from MV. Things will get better.
Thanks for all your comments ... don't you worry. My heart feels lifted by your thoughts and 2013 will be big I guess ... just wanted to be honest to my beloved jungle diary :)
ReplyDeleteHappy 2013 and hope to hear next time you do a workshop in english language!
ReplyDeleteRegards
First, i didn´t want to respond but now i decided otherwise. Just because something similar happend to me too. Seems to be a habit of 2012. But for my part i managed to keep my friend without grief.
ReplyDeleteI had a political discussion with one of my best friends. We had different opinions. And during that talk he atacked me verbally on a really personal level. I did not realise this at first. But i couldn´t sleep that night because the meaning of his words became clear to me.
First i tought i can handle this but it wormed somehow inside my. I wanted to tell him about all, but i didn´t. Then i told it to my better half and she told me not to worry about.
After thinking for some more time i remembered something i told a friend many years ago, as he had a similar problem
take 5 minutes to be angry
take 5 minutes to laugh about it
take 5 minutes to forget it all
it worked for him back in the days
and it worked for me aswell.
my friend is still my friend and everything is cool.
Hello Roman, first I want to thank you for the honest words. I also regret when these things happen. Not so long ago, something similar happened to me with two good friends* and both parties have realized that the friendship will be set for the match. We are still friends! And a good friendship must also endure a dispute.
ReplyDeleteCheer up fantastic Jungle team and happy new year!! The year 2013 is waiting for all of us with a lot of events!!!!
Sunny regards
Daddy@Cool
Well concerning the evil empire story, I think I remember back in the old days...ehem...when the german painting scene was not so big, and the painting skills were not as good as today, the german GD got visitors from france and they won a most of the demons. Back than the french guys were called evil empire for winning those demons. Well the german painting scene evolved, the skills got better and a group of german painters called themselves "Team Deutschland". Over the years they've become the dudes winning most of the Demons at the GD Germany. People started to call them evil empire. A while ago MV started it's existence. The german painting scene and skills evolved a lot since then. Some Team Deutschland members became part of MV. Now you guys are called evil empire by some other guys. Well it seems to me that there are people out there that are so unsatisfied with not winning trophys that they say it's due to evil empires. But as I see it they are just too blinded by their egos that they don't see, that there are a lot of people who do a lot better paintjobs than they do. But instead of getting motivated by that to improve themselves, they shout "EVIL EMPIRE". I think these events where you don't win a trophy means, that there are so many beautiful miniatures to see. And just seeing them, besides to meeting people, should be one of the main reasons going to such an event. Winning trophys shouldn't be a reason in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteWell these are just my thoughts, they might seem wrong to some people, but they are mine.
In my authority as Galactic President I hereby declare this:
ReplyDelete"Be nice to each other!
And... Party on dudes!"
For years now the two of you are at the forefront of being missionaries for the painting community. I have the highest respect for either one of you. And since there is light there is Shadow. Be happy. It means you are neither a Vampire nor do you play a part in Twilight IV - The Bloody Brush"
I love what you do, always have.
And as always - if there is anything I can help you with, I am there. I may not be a good painter (which is why I look at you for guidance :D), but I know a few other things that could be beneficial.
We are all primates. Some of us wear digital watches. Only YOU live in the jungle, and many of us wished they could.
Doods. :D